my life is so back and forth right now.
i drive to work and back in my car. south then north. south then north.
i fight to stay awake to read while my eyelids fight to go to sleep.
i fight between staying home and going to the gym.
i struggle between finding time to be with my friends or giving into my constant physical exhaustion and going to sleep.
back and forth.
i try to decide if i want to live 10 minutes from work or stay here where i am comfortable and safe.
i constantly struggle between staying awake and going to sleep. constantly.
i used to be able to make decisions. i knew exactly what i wanted to do all the time. now, i go back and forth.
at work my brain is on all the time. i think critically in intense situations. i can make split-second decisions to protect my patients and their unborn babies. my brain doesn’t go back and forth. it is steady.
then i leave the hospital and it starts again. back and forth.
i get in my car again. north then south. south then north.
one day i will adjust and be back to my old, decisive self, but for now it is okay if i am back and forth. God is my steady when i am back and forth.
Halfway 